You are dead

You can see only darkness. You can only hear silence. You can only touch yourself. You can only smell and taste emptiness. But you can think.

"Where am I? Floating in infinity or trapped in coffin?

Which way is North? South?? East? West?

Am I standing straight or hanging upside down? Where are others?

Enough! I dont care. But wait... Do others know where I am? WHERE AM I? Do they know how I feel? DO I EXIST?"

Terror! The darkness wraps around in all dimensions. The silence even starts permeating into your thoughts. You close your eyes and suddenly you can see. An image. One which you have loved. You cling onto the image. But it is fading fast. You open your eyes and get drenched in a wave of darkness. Again you close your eyes and try hard to conjure back the image. It comes back but you can hardly recognize it now. The darkness eating into it. The silence drowning out whatever its trying to say to you. You desperately embrace the image - your only companion, your only hope and your only meaning of existence. But ultimately it vanishes.

You are dead.

Eternal Moonshine....

Have you seen the moon rising in the sky?

Just a white speck smudged in a sprawling blue canvas...

A blotch of pale, incapable of spark;

Dwarfed in insignificance by the setting sun..

The sun set, it was dusk...

And amidst the twilight she crept along,

Unnoticed, unheeded and yet unfazed..

From the horizon across the sky..

When it was dark, she bloomed..

And besotted all in her silvery glow..

The adorning stars decked up her throne

Where she was crowned the queen...

She held you in a transfixed gaze...

And you let her radiance permeate your soul.

Drunk in her effulgence, you saw nothing

But only her, her eyes and her resplendent smile.

The night grows darker, and she glows brighter

Some hypnotic perfume spreads in the air...

The heart's ecstasy knows no bound,

As you drink from the well of love.

A intransigent thought crosses your mind...

Let the sun's rays never alight,

With the moon enshrined in your heart, you wish

To be bathed in eternal moonshine.

Powerless....

We live in a democracy. The constitution endows us with n number of rights to empower ourselves, so that our freedom, our expression is not infringed upon. The framework called society gives us a sense of security. Yet occasions arise when we feel utterly helpless and powerless....... Some recent occasions when I experienced this feeling.......

The Nano episode( or rather the Mamata episode)... Not a single person I know of wants the Tatas to go away. I mean who doesn't want our state to have industrialization and usher in an era of technological development. So many people are longing for the Nano to roll out- for it promises to fulfill the long cherised dream of many to own a personal car. Everyone who possesses a pint of common sense know that if Tatas move out, it will be doomsday for West Bengal. Yet, we must watch the political melodrama. We must watch parties giving out unrealistic ultimatums. We must watch hypocrites proclaiming injustice. We must let pass by an opportunity of progress and witness an onset of stagnation...too helpless, too powerless to act.

Terrorism. The loss of life in the Delhi blasts. These people seem to have a right of way anywhere. Unstoppable. Unabashed. They were known to own responsibility for their deeds, but now they even send warnings before the blast. Who can stop them? Their utter disregard for the gift of life makes you wonder whether its all upto them. You can only feel numb, helpless, powerless.... when you think about the fate of people affecteed by the blasts; and shiver in fright if it were to happen to you.

Life and death. We all know that the former implies that the later will occur. Some die young, some die old. Some deaths affect us, change our lives forever, but gradually we accept and life moves on. But about most deaths, we are least bothered. Recently, someone passed away. For me, it should have been the second category, for he was not any friend of mine. Who he was? He was a guy like me, like many others like me, studying in the same year in our university. But he had an impressionable face, once you looked at him you would have remembered him for sure. I just knew him as a guy I acquainted in the TT room. But the news of his demise shook me. He was like so many of us- only son of his parents,endearing to his friends and brilliant to his teachers. And the away he died- struck by a wave on the sea-shore which caused cardiac arrest, no fault or slack on his part. A young healthy jubilant personna suddenly comes to an end. One can only ask why him of all? There so many people in this world who engage in inexcusable vice, so many who have withered, who live on life support systems, who have achieved their purpose, who are uncared for and have nothing to live for. Why not them but a life full of potential? I feel this sense of helplessness, powerlessness....when I realize how indecipherable the rules of life and death are!

But in spite of this sense of powerlessness we sometimes feel, Life moves on!!!

When the watch stopped ticking.....

It has been a trip down the memory lane for me for the past few weeks....a lane which had got lost a long ago. The caprice of nostalgia that over-whelmed me really left me surprised. The obscure memories came back to life.....the landmarks of the memory lane could be discerned again...I couldn't believe that some little moments of life that had passed long ago still remained with me. Its something like the fact that “you still know the time when your old watch stopped working.”
On a wednesday morning I was glancing through telegraph, going through the movies for the day. The movie which interested me was “The Guns of Naverone” to be shown on Pix from 10p.m. Its the story about a group of British soldiers during the world war 2 on a mission to destroy German tanks situated in the cliffs of the island Naverone. Immediately I set a reminder on my cell phone...i was bent on seeing the movie. For I would be seeing it after perhaps about 13 or 14 years.
My mind was transported back to that time. I was perhaps about 4 or 5. It was a night show on the good old Doordarshan and me and my father was watching it. I couldn't understand much then. Baba translated few of the dialogues in English for me. I can vaguely remember the storyline of the film. A gun 'kaman' belonging to the 'enemy' hidden amongst the cliffs used to blow up ships of the 'good' soldiers. So the 'good' people sent out few men on a secret mission to destroy the guns. I could remember a few visuals...like a few men climbing a stiff cliff and then congratulating each other upon successfully climbing it.....a person killing a guard with a silencer gun. Later that night when I watched the movie alone, I wondered that some night 13 or 14 years ago I had watched the same movie with Baba. It was perhaps the first English movie I saw (or maybe it was Jurassic Park in the hall). Nothing had changed in the movie....yet so much has changed in life.
Another incident happened in the past fortnight. I found one of my old friends on Orkut. He was my best friend when I studied in Army Public School, New Delhi. I found him through the school's community, although I was sure he was the same person I asked him if he was from the 2006 batch. Few days later he answered in the affirmative but couldn't recognize me. Obviously I didn't expect he would. I said its unlikely for him to recognize me...that I had studied in that school till class 4..that I was in section A. After some days I get a reply “I remember you were my best friend dat tym.” I was overjoyed. I could remember him because I could see the time on my old watch which had stopped working a long ago. But for him, the watch never stopped. So we really were best friends!!!
Soon enough I reminisced about my old school...Army Public School, Dhaula Kuan. I remember it was a very large school. You had to walk 10 mins from the place the bus dropped us to the primary school building. It was a yellow two storried building. As you enter you faced a courtyard. If you turned right, the first room was of the Headmistress, Mrs.Gill. To get to our class 1A you had to go left and then turn right. The first room on the right was our classroom. The two wings of the building was connected by a sort of bridge which divided on the courtyard into two halves. Behind the back courtyard was the huge field which stretched throughout the length of the school premises.
Mrs Dipti Mahapatra was our class teacher in 1. Mostly I was a obedient and disciplined student. Once in an art class we were asked to make impressions of cut vegetables dipped in ink. I was given a ladies finger and I managed to overturn the ink pot and spill the ink on my copy. I was scared, but being in the teacher's good books I escaped with a rebuke. I remember playing cricket in the courtyards and later in the field with my friends. We didn't have a bat....we used wooden back-rests of broken chairs! I remember playing chor-police with paper guns. They were not many in the class who could make it. It required 2 sheets of paper. Before tiffin time I would start imploring those guys to make one for me. Eventually though I succeeded in making those guns! Another tiffin time game was making small hard paper balls and aiming it at others by flinging it with a rubber band. It annoyed me when it first started and resulted in many tiffin time scowls. I have another tiffin time memory...there was a wide iron gate in the courtyard which opened into the fields. We played some sort of a game where we swung standing on the gate. One day I was trying to board the swinging gate or maybe just passing by the gate when it smacked straight into me. I started bleeding from the nose and was really tensed. I was taken to the infirmary to get some medication. It was nothing serious.....(to be continued)

Now its me...

Amitabh Bhacchan......Aamir Khan.....now its finally me!!! How could i be left behind in this new world of blogging? Me who???
No....i'm not any star....just one of millions which India has...an engineering student! Currently studying electrical engg at JU....n dangling midway between 2nd n 3rd year...(can go any way)! The weeks during the sems are really stressful...so after it ended i intended to rest for a week. Then i had big plans for doin project/training...etc.......which turned to be nought....soon the days started to grow long..nothin to do...life is a bore....tried computer games...but they dont interest me after few days. Read a few good books...(Zahir....Godfather..Doctors)...a bad one -Three mistakes of my life...(after reading it seemed the author made four!)...so finally now i have come here in the blogosphere to present my humble opinion......hope to have a nice time.